Online Dating Entry #1

6 Mar

I joined a popular dating website for the Tribe this weekend. In the past 48 hours, I’ve been viewed over 50 times. Flattering? Not so much when you think about how much weeding needs to take place. Of the 50 people who have viewed my profile, the average age is 36.6, which doesn’t seem too bad, but there are a surprising amount of 50 year olds who have checked me out. I’ve also been viewed by 3 women-seeking-men. Maybe they are checking me for their friends/sons/nephews? What also bothers me are the profiles themselves. Perhaps this could be a new business venture for me? My friends and I were actually discussing this over the weekend – how we’d be better off allowing our friends to write the profiles, and pick our mates. The good, old-fashioned way!

I’ve broken down my comments about profiles into the appropriate categories:

Profile Photos:

  1. Don’t post an unflattering photo – or a joke photo. We think that’s stupid. Or correct me if I’m wrong… I think it’s stupid. I shouldn’t be speaking on behalf of all womankind.
  2. Don’t post a photo of you with someone else and have no follow-up photo. How do I know who you are? Should I guess that you wouldn’t put a picture of yourself with someone better looking than you? Or maybe not, because if you were smarter you wouldn’t post just one picture of yourself and have it with someone else. Unless it’s someone very recognizable like Brad Pitt – but even then, you’re just showing off.
  3. Please! No pictures of yourself with hot women – leave those on Facebook. How do you want us to approach you when we think you are a player?
  4. Please! No pictures of yourself wearing a wife-beater tank top. That’s just gross.
  5. Please! No pictures of yourself wearing sunglasses. You’re not that cool.

Profile Text:

  1. Please, please, please don’t write things like “I’m the king of my castle,” “I’ll treat you like a princess,” “I’m the BOSS, haha” (- This is all from one profile). Sometimes, short and sweet is best. We’d actually might like to get to know you if you just write something honest.
  2. Check your spelling. Intelligent women aren’t crazy about: DEFINATELY, COULD/SHOULD/WOULD OF, etc.
  3. I couldn’t resist adding this golden message: “If woman marry me i will look after you, i will give you money, i will give you red dress, television with remote control, video cassette recorder … But if you cheat on me i will crush you.” REALLY????? Where are Seth Myers and Amy Poehler?

Here are some thoughts about constructing that opening email:

  1. We don’t want to be called babe.
  2. We don’t want you to say things like “You’re too good to be true. Please write me back. I’ll do anything to hear from you.” That’s not sexy.
  3. I’m not on – chances are, I don’t want to date someone old enough to be my father.

I think that men might have it easier online – we get so many creepy messages, that by the time a nice, normal one comes along we are actually interested in writing back. But is this like beer goggles? Are we picking you because you are the best of the worst and after reading so many cheesy lines we’ll take anything?

Please comment – good or bad! I don’t want to feel like I am writing to myself. That’s what my diary is for.

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