Online Dating #7! When men lose their marbles.

14 May

So I’ve stopped being surprised by anything anymore.

In my last post, I mentioned a guy who’d been writing and even though I rejected him he kept writing. Well this week he provided me with the most entertainment that I’ve had in a LONG time. This guy could be an ad for some type of prescription medication… I swear, there must be something wrong with him because otherwise I have no way to explain his bizarre behaviour.

It started off innocently. He sent me messages. He sent me POF flowers. I politely let him know that I wasn’t interested. He persisted. I realized it was time to be a little more assertive. Some may call it bitchy, but I really don’t think I was bitchy at all. When you read the conversation, you can let me know what you think (OK, maybe towards the end I was a little bitchier, but really I was just so annoyed).

ME: Hey. Just checking things out. Not looking to meet anyone at this time.

HIM: why would you not be interested in meeting someone. you are always on here too. (SIDEBAR – I guess you are clearly online all the time… As for me, I didn’t realize my iPhone app made it seem like I was online all the time, but I digress…)

HIM: CAN I ASK YOU WHY NOT GRAB A COFFEE TOGETHER ONE TIME WORSE COMES TO WORSE WE WILL END UP BEING FRIENDS > YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE

ME: First, I am not always online – it’s my iPhone app that connects me. Second – no need to be aggressive. I was merely extending you a courtesy to not be rude by not answering your messages. Have a nice night.

HIM: not being aggressive at all. It would be nice to get to know u

ME: Your capital letters would say otherwise. Anyway, I have already indicated that at this juncture I am not interested in meeting anyone new. Just browsing.

HIM: just curious why are u on a dating site if u don’t want to meet anyone. plus the capitals was just a typo. I am new to this online stuff i wasn’t aware that people infer things from capitals. (SIDEBAR: What fucking rock have you been living under? And I hope you know that I totally DO NOT believe you)

ME: I have met a couple of people and am waiting to see what happens before I meet anyone new. As for the capitals… The Internet was created in the 70’s and the English language well before that. Capital letters have inferred anger/seriousness/wanting to get a point across since the dawn of time.

HIM: well you taught me something new. You are missing out on the best guy on here. (SIDEBAR: If you are the best guy on here, then I give up and I am becoming a crazy cat lady). You are one tough woman, do you actually consider yourself to be a nice friendly kind of person.

HIM: serial dater, that will never work for you.

Wow.

And then – after all that – he sends me a message last night to ask me how my weekend is going (actually, he sent me 2 messages asking me how my weekend was going).

First – YES I DO THINK THAT I AM A NICE FRIENDLY KIND OF PERSON. I wrote that in CAPITAL LETTERS to infer seriousness, not anger. Last night, a good friend described me as edgy and honest, and another friend told me I was her hero (all related to the same story). But I certainly wouldn’t classify myself as “not nice” or “unfriendly.” And really, sir, you are a weirdo who seems to have a hard time expressing himself. I was scrolling through his messages before, and found another gem that I must have missed. It was: AM I REALLY THAT BIG OF A DICK TO YOU. I guess this was in response to my lack of responses. So my answer to that is: NO. I ACTUALLY THINK YOU ARE A REALLY TINY DICK.

BTW – I have to tell you it is REALLY frustrating to type up peoples’ poorly punctuated messages. I just want to put periods, commas, and capitals everywhere. Plus, I really feel that if you are trying to meet someone, the least you could do is write out an ENTIRE word. Am I not good enough for all the letters that spell the word Y-O-U?

Finally, I had promised an interview with a friend, but unfortunately I had to work until 11 on Friday night (such is my life right now) and so I wasn’t able to have him over for “Cocktails & Questions.” BTW – I just came up with that name… That is what I will call the interview series. I guess I had better go to the SAQ and stock up on booze. Good thing I have to go to the US for work soon. I’ll pick up some extra bottles at the Duty Free. I’m really sorry about this… But I think it will give me the chance to make it even better! More to come.

******************************************************************************************************************

And now – for this week’s review of Girls.

It fell flat. I didn’t like it. Contrived. Predictable.

Hannah is really coming across as a petulant child.

Marnie has thankfully dumped Charlie – but really – during sex?

Poor Shoshanna watches her cousin getting banged up against a window.

Joanna (the cousin) needs to stop having sex with everyone, or at the very least show a condom every once in a while.

On a bright note – I’ve watched the first half of the season finale of Desperate Housewives, and I won’t lie. I may have cried a little…

Please comment – good or bad! I don’t want to feel like I am writing to myself. That’s what my diary is for.

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