Online Dating #10! The shit sandwich and other anecdotes

10 Jul

I know. This is fucking gross.

The Wiktionary defines the shit sandwich as: A method of making an unpleasant thing more palatable by surrounding it with more pleasant things.

This idea is commonly used in business, HR, education and other fields. I believe it has its place in dating. Some days, I think about writing a book about the concept. Perhaps I could write a dissertation and title it: The Shit Sandwich: How to deliver some crap news.

Does anyone really like rejection, or rejecting? It’s a rather unpleasant feeling. To deliver it means you might hurt someone’s feelings. To receive it might mean that you’re not the object of someone’s desires.

I have a few ideas about this:

1. I believe – and I’m not a psychologist, or a sociologist, or any other kind of -ist, but I think that when you reject someone and worry about hurting their feelings that you are generally thinking with your ego. This of course is at the beginning of a relationship before anything has been established. I feel this way because really – if you’ve only gone on a couple of dates with a person and they call you to tell you they’re “Just not that into you,” are you going to die? Are you going to cry for weeks on end? Are you going to eat chocolate and potato chips for a week? Are you going to crawl into a ball and never leave your house again? If you answered yes to any of these questions, I’d suggest visiting one of the -ists. I’d also suggest that if you’re feeling that rejected it’s likely because of something much bigger than this one individual not wanting to continue seeing you. “Why does this keep happening to me?” seems to be a general theme in my life.

2. We don’t like honesty, or maybe we just don’t appreciate it because we aren’t used to it. We’ve been lied to since the day we were born, so why should it be any different in relationships? Imagine a world where people could just be honest, and be ok with receiving honesty. WILD!

Years ago, a friend of mine was dating a guy and she decided she couldn’t move any further with the relationship. She said to me “I’m just going to tell him that I’m not looking for anything serious right now.” I advised her to tell the truth. Not only did the guy appreciate her honesty, but he moved on because she told him that they were not going to work out and that her decision was final.

And that’s where the shit sandwich comes in handy. Maybe we’re not ready for 100% honesty, but if 100% honesty could be delivered in between two pieces of more pleasant information then maybe that could prep us for a future world where honesty wasn’t terrible, horrible, and awful.

And it’s a shit sandwich. Not a fuck you sandwich. A fuck you sandwich is just mean.

For the record, advising people about the shit sandwich policy might result in them using the shit sandwich on you. True story. And if you put yourself in the friend zone, don’t be upset about being in the friend zone. The only person who can get you out of it is you.

Date #4,5,6 guy. We are THROUGH. No biggie. My goodness getting him to be honest with me was like pulling teeth, and he asked multiple times that I be his friend, reconsider being his friend, please be my friend! He actually said “I’m an awesome friend who will always have yo back.” My answer was, “We aren’t enemies. Let’s leave it at that.” I don’t really need new friends, especially friends who have touched my boobs. I have enough of those already.

So – to my BFF (who doesn’t read this because he’s too busy) – another one gets tossed into the proverbial Jewish trash can.

Back to the drawing board.

Please comment – good or bad! I don’t want to feel like I am writing to myself. That’s what my diary is for.

6 Responses to “Online Dating #10! The shit sandwich and other anecdotes”

  1. Tal July 10, 2012 at 8:42 pm #

    Boo. Was really hoping that one would work out…

  2. paramourinwaiting July 10, 2012 at 8:54 pm #

    I’ve made and ate a few shit sandwiches in my lifetime lol.

  3. thejewishone July 10, 2012 at 9:27 pm #

    A man be honest? That’s the funniest thing I have ever heard.

  4. Julie July 12, 2012 at 12:59 am #

    Great insight about honesty. No matter what happens lady, I will always have yo back. Mwah.

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