Archive | Online Dating! RSS feed for this section

The Time Cliche Karma Kicked My A$$

23 Jan

Once upon a time, a LONG time ago, my best friend broke up with my other best friend. They were dating. I had introduced them one summer night in Toronto and they had fallen in love. And then they weren’t in love and my friend came to me for a shoulder to lean on (through the Internet because she was far away) and I said to her: “It takes two to tango.” She tells me today that if I were to say that to her now, her response would be “Go fuck yourself!” I just checked, and her answer was “Hey man, there’s nothing harder than to realise you’re alone on the dance floor.” Fighting clichés with clichés!

We laugh about this particular episode now. It wasn’t so funny back then, though. My friend was really upset with me.

Payback’s a bitch!

The other day, I was texting with a close friend. The conversation centered around – let’s call it “man annoyance.”

“Understandable but at the end of the day if it’s meant to be it’s meant to be and if it ain’t it ain’t.”

I wanted to respond “Go fuck yourself.”

I wrote “Thanks, that’s very wise.” This was one of those moments where an emotions via text app would’ve helped.

Response: “You’re welcome. Well honestly life is too short to dwell about anything. You have to enjoy the present moment and trust that everything happens for a reason.”

And that, my dear S is karma in its truest form. I now totally understand how you felt when you just wanted a shoulder to lean on, but instead I gave you a steaming pile of crap because I just didn’t know what to say.

And to the friend who sent those messages. I still love you. It sucks to not know what to say. Been there. Done that. T-shirt’s in the mail.

The NYT Really Pissed Me Off

21 Jan

Like, totally.

So there’s a HOT group that Marketers are trying to figure out. In Marketing circles they are discussed, debated, cursed and loved. Who are they, you ask? Millenials. While the definition of this group is also debated and discussed, it is generally agreed that:

  • Millenials are the generation following Gen X (what happened to calling it Gen Y?)
  • Are the children of Baby Boomers and Gen Xers
  • Are (as of right now somewhere) between 18-34
  • Are connected to social media and the like
  • Are fickle
  • etc

First, DO NOT PUT TAMARA IN A CORNER. While:

  • I have an iPhone (and a BlackBerry)
  • I Tweet
  • I blog
  • I go on the Facebook
  • I’m a pro Google-stalker – BUT
  • I also carry a paper agenda
  • I write in a journal – with a pen
  • I talk on the telephone
  • I have standards and expectations and think that’s ok
  • And I generally don’t feel like being lumped in the same pile as 18-year-olds

So what’s this about? It’s about an article in the NYT titled “The End of Courtship?” I suppose I’m not angry at the NYT, more just really annoyed at the overall message of the article. Essentially: courtship is dead. It’s been replaced by the “random hookup” and the “group-hang.” It’s completely the fault of Millenials.

Please, read it and join me in my anger. REALLY?

Now that you’ve finished reading the article you will understand (hopefully) why I’m upset.

  • I think it’s perfectly OK to expect that if a guy wants to take you out, he’ll call you.
  • I think it’s perfectly OK to be honest.
  • I think it’s perfectly OK to be respectful and expect to be respected in return.
  • I think it’s NOT OK to text me in order to ask me out.
  • I think it’s NOT OK to wait and wait and wait to get in touch after our first date.
  • I think it’s NOT OK to invite me for a “group-hang” in order to decide if you’d like to even spend 30 minutes in my company.
  • I think it’s NOT OK to only want the “fun-times” and run when things “get real” – but by all means, please run and spare me the annoyance of spending another second in your company.
  • I think it’s NOT OK to assume that because I fall into this category (chronologically) that I would be confused by this or think this kind of behaviour is even remotely acceptable.

And then my mom sent me an article “Bringing Back Courtship: Ladies, you have the power to convince men to get serious.”

You can read that one too if you like, it’s actually an interesting response to the original.

To summarize though -Ladies, get some standards (like wise, old, Steve Harvey tells us) and force men to stop having commitment-phobia. To me, the thinly veiled message is that the reason why women can’t find men to commit is essentially ALL OUR FAULT. I don’t know how to type the noise I make to display my distaste. It’s somewhere between a grunt and a grown and a yelp.

Much like the Jews in Egypt – women have to turn things around in order to keep pumping out generations of Jews. So stop accepting mediocrity. While I am all for stopping to accept mediocrity, I’m not willing to accept the fact that it’s totally MY FAULT.

“Ladies, if a man is serious about meeting his soul mate he will do whatever it takes to make that happen. He will call you, email you, pursue you, travel to meet you, and do whatever it takes to win you over. If he’s not doing these things, then move on and find a man who will.” This is a statement I can get behind.

“Men get away with texting an hour before to meet up with a woman because women respond. Men seek casual “hook ups” because women make that option all too available. The only reason men continue to play “hard to get” is because the women continue to chase them.” While that might, in theory, at times be the case. Placing the future of Judaism in my hands seems a little harsh.

And I’d like to throw another idea out there… while our moms were busy teaching us about the importance of being independent, financially secure, educated, empowered and all those other wonderful things… I’d like to know what happened to the boys?

And PS – to the guy that sends me random texts asking me to hang out when you’ve already stood me up in the past. Do me a favour – lose my number, I’m not desperate or dumb enough to answer you.

I’m not going to be that girl, and other anecdotes

21 Jan

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

For those of you that follow, you’ll notice that it’s been a while since my last post. For those of you that are stumbling upon this blog more recently, WELCOME, and I promise not to do this again. I’ve missed writing, and I’ve got a shitload to cover.

First up: The reason I didn’t write for so long.

In September, I almost posted the following:

Imagine walking into a room and seeing dozens of attractive, like-minded, well-dressed people.

Now imagine the opposite.

Guess which scenario I had the pleasure of finding myself in?

I can now say that I’ve gone speed dating. That is to say I had 8, 7-minute conversations with men – 6 of whom I either already knew, recognized or had gone on a date with. How much fun do you think that was?

It’s just $$, but all the same I could have spent the cash on something way more fun!

*******************************************************************************************************

Following that joyful experience, I briefly dated a Vegan (won’t be making that mistake again because you know – I LOVE BACON, AND FISH, AND STEAK AND CHEESE!) who told me that while he wasn’t seeing anyone else, he couldn’t commit to exclusivity because something better might come along.

And then, I was Angry. And Sad. And Annoyed.

I had prepared many posts, written many notes and finally decided that I wasn’t going to be that girl. And that girl is the person who wants others to feel sorry for her. Make no mistake, I have an absolutely amazing life, an amazing family and wonderful friends. And while I am sometimes lonely, and haven’t had sex in an amount of time that is embarrassing to write about (and my 17-year-old cousin reads this) I am in actuality a very happy person and I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. That’s not how I roll.

So here’s what’s coming up people:

1. I’m an International Dating Superstar

2. The email I wanted to write, and the email I wrote

3. The NYT really pissed me off

4. The time cliché karma kicked my ass

5. Some actual adventure

I’m working on these posts right now. They are coming. Get excited.

Online Dating #13! The Relationship Reaper & Speed Dating

26 Aug

Relationship Reaping: The act of ending someone’s relationship for them when they just can’t grow the balls to do it on their own. That is apparently my new job. I will show up at your boyfriend/girlfriend’s house like a ninja, break up with them for you and then leave. My cuteness will keep your significant other from getting too upset. I might bring cookies and Kleenex. I might dress in black and wear a mask. This is the persona that a friend of mine has created for me.

In all seriousness – I’ve been told that I’m excellent at giving breakup advice and not too shabby about regular, everyday relationship advice. So I’ve created a new email address: relationshipreaper@gmail.com. Please feel free to message me your relationship questions. I promise to answer you as quickly as possible and be discreet about it on my blog.

In other news: I’m going to a SPEED DATING event. Yup. I’m spending $80 to have 8-12 short dates with Jewish men between the ages of 27-39 who apparently are enthusiastic, attractive and like-minded. I don’t know how the website can make promises like this to me, but let’s see what happens. It’s on September 12th, so stay tuned for a post-speed-dating post. I’ve always wanted to try this out, so bring on the good times. I’m going with a friend, so at worst we’ll have some funny stories to tell. I’m wondering how many guys that I’ve already gone out with will be there. This evening could be really fun, funny, or really, really bad. Keep your fingers crossed!

When they asked me for my information I also had to let them know whether I wanted to receive date feedback from the men – I had the choice to receive all feedback, or only the good feedback. I asked for it all. Bring it on!

Online dating #12! Keep reading for the punchline.

11 Aug

Last night, on the way to dinner I heard a great story. My friend’s friend had gone on two dates with a girl he had met online.

Date #2 involved dinner at his place and some good old-fashioned sexy times.

He then received a text letting him know that she wasn’t interested, she wished him all the best and that he wasn’t for her. He then wrote her a message that made my friend exclaim “OMG you are never sending a text again without running it by me first.” He was VERY upset.

  • Who behaves that way?
  • I really liked her!
  • What do I do now?
  • That’s so rude!
  • She should have had the decency to call!
  • What a bitch!

And my response: My friend. You got Boyd/Boyed (I am still unsure of how I would like to spell my new term).

Getting Boyd/Boyed: When a boy receives behaviour from a girl that is typically reserved to the way boys treat girls (if we are generalizing).

Dinner was so good it deserved a mention. Bestellen – Toronto

As an aside – I had a date last week. It was a setup. He was nothing to write home about. Or blog about. Not a bad guy, just not the right guy. He really didn’t have much to talk about and it seemed that his interests were limited to skiing and computers. The person who set us up – I think she may have based this fixup on the person she knows me as – from a professional context. She was halfway there.

And – some guy on POF has reached out and asked for a date. I suppose I will go.

Online dating #11! I got an x-rated photo.

23 Jul

When I originally joined POF back in March, I was warned by MANY friends that I was going to receive a barrage of nude photos from men. March passed, and then April and so on and I was starting to think this was a myth – or I wasn’t worthy of a naked picture of a man.

But, my dear friends, I can proudly proclaim that I am now a statistic! I have received a message from a man followed by two photos. A full body shot (in clothes), and a close up of a penis.

Woohoo! I feel like I am part of a special club now.

Please comment – good or bad! I don’t want to feel like I am writing to myself. That’s what my diary is for.

Online Dating #10! The shit sandwich and other anecdotes

10 Jul

I know. This is fucking gross.

The Wiktionary defines the shit sandwich as: A method of making an unpleasant thing more palatable by surrounding it with more pleasant things.

This idea is commonly used in business, HR, education and other fields. I believe it has its place in dating. Some days, I think about writing a book about the concept. Perhaps I could write a dissertation and title it: The Shit Sandwich: How to deliver some crap news.

Does anyone really like rejection, or rejecting? It’s a rather unpleasant feeling. To deliver it means you might hurt someone’s feelings. To receive it might mean that you’re not the object of someone’s desires.

I have a few ideas about this:

1. I believe – and I’m not a psychologist, or a sociologist, or any other kind of -ist, but I think that when you reject someone and worry about hurting their feelings that you are generally thinking with your ego. This of course is at the beginning of a relationship before anything has been established. I feel this way because really – if you’ve only gone on a couple of dates with a person and they call you to tell you they’re “Just not that into you,” are you going to die? Are you going to cry for weeks on end? Are you going to eat chocolate and potato chips for a week? Are you going to crawl into a ball and never leave your house again? If you answered yes to any of these questions, I’d suggest visiting one of the -ists. I’d also suggest that if you’re feeling that rejected it’s likely because of something much bigger than this one individual not wanting to continue seeing you. “Why does this keep happening to me?” seems to be a general theme in my life.

2. We don’t like honesty, or maybe we just don’t appreciate it because we aren’t used to it. We’ve been lied to since the day we were born, so why should it be any different in relationships? Imagine a world where people could just be honest, and be ok with receiving honesty. WILD!

Years ago, a friend of mine was dating a guy and she decided she couldn’t move any further with the relationship. She said to me “I’m just going to tell him that I’m not looking for anything serious right now.” I advised her to tell the truth. Not only did the guy appreciate her honesty, but he moved on because she told him that they were not going to work out and that her decision was final.

And that’s where the shit sandwich comes in handy. Maybe we’re not ready for 100% honesty, but if 100% honesty could be delivered in between two pieces of more pleasant information then maybe that could prep us for a future world where honesty wasn’t terrible, horrible, and awful.

And it’s a shit sandwich. Not a fuck you sandwich. A fuck you sandwich is just mean.

For the record, advising people about the shit sandwich policy might result in them using the shit sandwich on you. True story. And if you put yourself in the friend zone, don’t be upset about being in the friend zone. The only person who can get you out of it is you.

Date #4,5,6 guy. We are THROUGH. No biggie. My goodness getting him to be honest with me was like pulling teeth, and he asked multiple times that I be his friend, reconsider being his friend, please be my friend! He actually said “I’m an awesome friend who will always have yo back.” My answer was, “We aren’t enemies. Let’s leave it at that.” I don’t really need new friends, especially friends who have touched my boobs. I have enough of those already.

So – to my BFF (who doesn’t read this because he’s too busy) – another one gets tossed into the proverbial Jewish trash can.

Back to the drawing board.

Please comment – good or bad! I don’t want to feel like I am writing to myself. That’s what my diary is for.